June 2010
Anonymous asked: You're writing is so beautiful and touching. If you are currently attending college/university, by any chance are you in English major? It'd be a pity if you are not =(
Anonymous asked: why are you so beautiful?
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There’s no such thing as a correct instinct, or surefire foresight. Let’s not compare ourselves to animals because with our ability to process thoughts, instincts are corrupted. Our version of instincts is based upon social or personal beliefs and ideas, sometimes with an illogical and irrational hypothesis… intuition revises itself with time, experience, and maturity. Not one ...
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LOVE AND BE LOVED. Love is the answer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dHUfy_YBps
Change.
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Ah.
I remember a time when I enjoyed my solitude. Or at the very least, was comfortable with it. I fucking loved this movie— “The Waking Life”. I spent hours alone in my room watching it, along with other thought-provoking movies (or just silly, good feeling ones. Think, “The Wedding Singer” and “Fast Times At Ridgemont High”!) and music documentaries; hell, I just watched documentaries in...
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A conversation with myself. Yes, I'm aware that...
Head: Dude, I'm sorry, I know we haven't talked in a while, but in your attempts to try and prove and explain yourself to people, you look like a jackass.
Heart: I know... I just don't want people to get the wrong impression of me, or us, I guess.
Head: Why the fuck do you care? *proceeds to go on a "do you, fuck everyone else" rant/motivational speech*
Heart: You know why I care. ):
Head: Ugh, you're so fucking insecure. Get over yourself. I'm tired of you. You drag us down. That's why I don't talk to you.
Heart: Yeah, perhaps I do get a little self-conscious, but I think we've messed up a lot and it's time that I take real responsibility for the shit that's been going on in our life, if you're not going to. You know me: unlike you, I use our conscience and it's hard. I want to be better, stronger, wiser...
Head: That's great, the whole you recognizing our flaws and wanting to change them thing, but honestly, when you constantly try to explain why we do what we do, it seems like you're making excuses, or rather justifications, for our actions, mentality, and behavior. I know that's not what your intentions may be, but we've both learned a lot about intentions. No matter how good they may be, intentions can only take us so far. In the end, it's walking that helps us move forward, not talking. Both of us, more so you, do a little bit too much of that (talking).
Heart: That makes sense, actually. Can I be straight-forward with you too, though? I feel like you blame me a little too much for the shit we get into. You have some fault in our issues as well. As much as I've been a fool, you have too. You take this whole "not caring" thing way too far. You take a lot of things too far, actually. You try too hard not to be like me. Just be you. We got along better before...
Head: It's not that I don't want to be like you; I just think you make us look stupider than we have to. We could deal with things in a calmer, less dramatic manner. You're like a child sometimes and it doesn't look good on us.
Heart: See, you give a fuck about what others think too. You're embarrassed of me. You have the ability to be cold-blooded, selfish, and manipulative, but that's not who you are or what we stand for. We weren't raised that way. We need each other because we keep each other straight. I know we had a falling out a while back, but I miss the old you and because you pushed me out of the way for so long, I'm overcompensating for us now. I know you're mad at me because I lead us down a path of suffering a while back, but you abandoned me when I needed you too. You're part of the problem. We never work together. I need you to tell me when I'm being too idealistic, self-pitying, and trusting and you need me to tell you when you're being inconsiderate, shameless, and destructive.
Head: You're starting to *think* like me, I like it. I guess we're cool now. We just have a lot to clean up together.
Heart: Yeah, I feel at peace. Now that we've reconciled, we can keep each other sane again.
Head: I feel good too. I wouldn't get too down about it, though, y'know, our past. We just had a bit of an identity crisis. We'll get back into the groove of things; we'll get our foundation back.
Heart: I hope so.
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"Close yet far, drop me a line and tell me how the...
To say that I sometimes wonder how you’re doing would be a half-truth. In fact, the “sometimes” tied to that statement makes it completely invalid because in all honesty, I miss you constantly.
I wonder about the frivolous, irrelevant details of your day. Have you found an acne cleanser that works? I always marveled at how complex your beauty routine was for only being 15....
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Destination: lion's den.
My life was in shambles.
Everyone knew it, partially because I was so public about it (in my predictable, annoying, yes I recognize it’s annoying, explicit fashion) and partially because, well, everyone wanted in on it. I’d link my former tragedies to the “Scramble for Africa” — most everyone took bits and pieces of what was left of the life I had (which was of course in their eyes, savage...
